Friday, September 25, 2009

Marvelous Light

This morning began like any morning, rushing around trying to get Briggs to school on time. He is doing MUCH better and has not cried since Monday. After dropping him off this morning, Max and I were driving around a curve on the back road I use to take him to school, when I looked up and saw the most beautiful sight. The morning sun, which has been mostly absent for many days, was peeking out from behind the clouds and its rays streaked with sky more clearly than I have ever seen them. In my spirit, I immediately felt God speaking to me, showing me a glimpse of His glory. The streaks of marvelous light coming from the sun made me think about when Jesus will come again from the clouds. And there, in the car, with a movie playing in the background, I worshipped and God spoke to me so clearly and the tears started rolling. I always cry when I feel God is speaking to me and sometimes Rod will ask me if I'm ok- and I don't really know why I always cry when I feel the presence of God, but I almost always do. I guess it's hard to explain, but I get so overcome with Him; He takes my breath away.

As I looked at the sunlight, God reminded me of verse after verse of His promises and that speak of His light and how His light shines through us. He began reminding me that He is always there, even when we can't see Him, just like that beautiful sunlight is still there, even when it's hidden by the clouds and the rain. He brought to mind the book of Esther, (that I am study in a Bible study) where God is never mentioned in the entire book, but is behind the scenes, carefully orchestrating everything for their good and His glory. And He is doing the same thing in my life, actually in mine and Rod's life, and it is more evident to me than it has ever been. It's like that song (I have no idea the name or who sings it), but it says, "whatever you doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace." He made me want to run home and open my Bible and spend time with Him, not out of guilt, or so that He will be less mad with me, but because He loves me and longs for that relationship with me. Thank you for helping me finally understand that. And thank you, Jesus, for your glorious light; you are "my light and my salvation, whom (or what) shall I fear?" Psalm 27:1

"He wraps Himself in light as with a garment; He stretches out the heavens like a tent." Psalm 104:2

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, THAT YOU MAY DECLARE THE PRAISES OF HIM WHO CALLED YOU OUT OF DARKNESS INTO HIS WONDERFUL LIGHT." I Peter 2:9

"The city (the new Jerusalem) does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp." Revelation 21: 23

Help me to declare the praises of the One who called me out of darkness, who redeemed my soul from the pit, until the day He comes again in the clouds.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Growing Pains

Last year I thought Briggs was fearless. A social butterfly. A happy-go-lucky little boy. I thought kindergarten was the best thing he had ever experienced; he loved it so much. This year, I am wondering if it was all just too good to be true.

Everything thing is just... different. He cries a little every day before school. He begs me to let him stay home. Then he begs me to come eat lunch with him. At lunch, he begs me to check him out and sheds a few more tears. Then he begs me to come really early to car line.

There is nothing he can exactly put his finger on that is wrong ...... other than he is bored, school lasts too long, and he just misses us.

I want to fix something, but I can't fix any of these things. Today my mom reminded that "he just has that homesick feeling." That brought back some memories, as I am all too familiar with that feeling. I had a terrible first grade year and I can still feel that sense of dread and that lump that wells up in your throat and that unmistakable stomachache that I felt just about every day of first grade (and for the two days I stayed at Space Camp before calling my parents to come get me!)

Today as I watched him and the other kids walk into the school, I saw a little girl trip and fall on the sidewalk. As she got up crying, her eyes frantically searched the car line to find her mother. At first her mother did not see her and my eyes filled with tears for her. Then as the cars were pulling off, her mother pulled over and got out to see about her little girl. It's amazing how moms can make some things better. But not everything I guess......

Why does growing up have to be so hard? I did not know it was just as hard for the parent as it was for the child.

And so I pray...

that God will be his friend, his comforter, his superhero. That in time He will make all things new. That He will work this out for Briggs' good. That He will show Himself faithful to even a six year old.